WELCOME

Welcome to the Arnold The Fish home at Blogger.

Here you can find all of the adventures of Arnold The Fish, the World's Greatest Super Detective, once each serial has been completed.

I'd highly reccomend using the links on the right to choose your story or whatever, if you want to make sure you view things in a reasonable order.

Enjoy.

Choose Your Own Arnold!

You can now take on the role of the World's Greatest Super Detective fish in a special Choose Your Own Adventure style book, available here.

It's a pdf document, so you'll need acrobat reader to use it.

The document has pages, so treat it just like any other CYOA book... by turning to the pages it tells you to.

Reader Testamonials!

Here's a nice little list I've put together of a number of quotes in reaction to the adventures of Arnold The Fish...

"Oh. My. God. I think Arnold The Fish is my new idol."
"It's brilliant"
"It's almost so pointless-crazy that it's inspired..."
"It really was fantastic... Well plotted, good jokes, and very nice episode titles to boot. And the final lines made me chuckle too."
"I like how Arnold solves a variety of mysteries. Most detectives it's just murder murder murder..."
"...Artistic masterpiece."
"Arnold gets more epic by the episode!"
"More brilliance! The spoofery of hard boiled detective tales works nicely."
"...Entirely pointless yet cool."
"I love the utter randomness of Arnold."
"Classic humour."
"...Makes me giggle the most."
"Lack of activity is almost synonymous with an episode of Arnold."
"...Just random bits of silliness."
"Nifty."
"...The mental image of dale winton backflipping out of a window with a fish's body shall live with me forever."
"I like Arnold."
"lmfao! Lovely."

On the plotting...
"Very nicely written."
"It's TWIST-TASTIC! Even more so than 24 When It Was Good!"
"...So damn good I may steal the plot."
"A very neat twist indeed."
"Much cunningness!"
"...Always a twist in the tale!"
"Oh, the mysterious mysteries!"
"Intriguing."
"Repetitive, yet intriguing"
"Flabbergasting!"
"Brilliant!"
"Very well executed!"
"Fantasmic twist!"
"Best. Idea. Ever."
"Shocking!"
"What a conclusion!"

On the character of Arnold...
"I love the implication that Arnold doesn't really do any investigating."
"Poor Arnold and his lack of ideas."
"I think Arnold should in fact be Orange. He should also have sequins!"
"I like Arnold's daydreaming-on-the-case style."
"He's certainly consistent with the uselessness of his detecting actions."
"I do like... how Arnold can never, ever get anything right until every other possible, incorrect permutation has been explored to some amusingly futile conclusion."
"...Pathetically mad."
"I love Arnold's total lack of tact"
"Ah Arnold, what a silly silly fishy he is!"

The Prologue

“I’ve brought you your meal!” said the Warden.

There was no answer.

“Hello?” said the Warden. “Oh no!” he added, looking around.

“Humpty Dumpty has escaped!”

Part 1: Worrisome News

Arnold The Fish received a phone call. It was from the Chief of Police, Ben Ruefoot.

“Oh hello, Chief Ruefoot,” said Arnold. “It’s nice to see you’ve recovered from that minor heart attack you had in the last serial.”

“Yes, well.” said Ruefoot uncomfortably. “Anyway. It seems that Humpty Dumpty has escaped from prison, so he’s probably wanting to kill you or something.”

Arnold thought about this for a moment.

“Hang on,” realised Arnold, “Why me? I didn’t put him in prison! I simply discovered his motive!”

“Oh I don’t know,” Ruefoot told Arnold. “I know plenty of people who also want to kill you, and you didn’t put any of them in prison either.”

“Hmph.” said Arnold.

Part 2: Thinking About Planning To Take Action

Arnold The Fish was thinking about the threat posed by Humpty Dumpty, who had recently broken out of prison and was most likely looking for revenge.

“I suppose,” thought Arnold, “I ought to find Humpty Dumpty and return him to prison.”

Arnold decided to visit people relating to the previous case involving Humpty Dumpty. He thought that if nothing else, it’d be a nice trip down memory lane.

Part 3: Memory Lane

“Here we are,” said Arnold The Fish. “Number 265 Memory Lane!”

Arnold knocked on the door.

“Hello?” said Minnie.

“Hello Minnie!” said Arnold. “It seems that Humpty Dumpty has escaped from prison. You don’t know where he is, do you?”

“What!?” cried Minnie.

“Oh, I forgot. He murdered your husband, and then it transpired he was actually trying to kill you. Sorry about that.” apologised Arnold, who thought perhaps he ought to have been a little more tactful.

“Waaaa!” wailed Minnie.

“Perhaps you could open the door?” Arnold suggested, having realised that it hadn’t actually been opened yet.

“With that madman on the loose?” Minnie wailed. “No chance!”

“Okay then,” said Arnold. “Let’s try over the road.”

Arnold went over the road to Mrs. WOW’s house.

“Hello?” inquired Arnold. “Is anybody there? Mrs. WOW?”

“Hello,” said a Maid. “I’m afraid Mrs. WOW has gone to live at the seaside. The sea air is good for her you see.”

“Oh,” said Arnold. “Okay then. Bye.”

Arnold decided to visit the prison to look for clues.

Conclusion: The Fate of Humpty Dumpty

“Okay,” said Arnold The Fish, arriving at the prison. “Show me to Humpty Dumpty’s room.”

“Okay,” said the Warden.

They looked at the room.

“Yes,” said Arnold. “Yes indeed. It’s definitely a cell.”

“Quite,” the Warden agreed, unsure of Arnold’s detective prowess. “If you’d like to follow me…”

The Warden led Arnold and Chief Ruefoot to the exercise yard, and pointed at a wall.

“That’s Humpty’s wall, if you want to look at it. Maybe you’ll find a clue?”

“Hmm,” Arnold noted, “That egg sure does like walls. Weirdo.”

Arnold scoured the wall for secret buttons, hidden notes, and anything else he could think of… to no avail.

“Gosh darn it!” Arnold grumbled. “Nothing! Not a thing!”

“Wait a minute,” interjected Chief Ruefoot. “What’s that down there?”

They looked behind the wall, and lo and behold, there they found Humpty Dumpty, shattered into pieces!

“Oh no!” said the Warden. “He must simply have fallen off!”

“So he never escaped from prison after all!” exclaimed Ruefoot.

“So I’m perfectly safe! And so is Minnie!” added Arnold.

“And I’m fully recovered!” Ruefoot added.

“So everything has worked out well for everybody in the end!” said a cheery Arnold.

“Well,” said the Warden. “It didn’t end so well for Humpty…”

The three of them paused, and then broke into cheery laughter.

And they all lived happily ever after…






…until next time.

The Prologue

Once upon a time there was a body.
The body didn’t move. Or blink. Or do much of anything, really.
Because the body was DEAD!!!

Part 1: The Startling of Arnold The Fish

Arnold The Fish was sat in the living room’s comfy chair, with a lot on his mind.

“I wonder,” wondered Arnold, “I wonder if jam is technically a solid or a liquid?”

Just then, he was startled by a sudden noise. It seemed to have come from the attic.

“To the attic!” Arnold cried dramatically, before realising that he was in fact alone.

Feeling slightly embarrassed, Arnold made his way to the attic.

Part 2: The Startling Discovery of The Body

Arnold The Fish looked around the attic, searching for anything that might have made the noise he’d heard moments ago.

“Tsk, look at all this junk,” grumbled Arnold. “I don’t suppose YOU know what made that noise?” he asked the body.

The body didn’t say anything,

“Wait a minute…” gasped Arnold. “You’re a body! A dead body!”

The body continued in its steadfast silence.

Arnold decided to take this as a “yes”.

Part 3: The Startling of Chief Ruefoot

Ben Ruefoot, Chief of Police, made his way to the crime scene. He entered the house and headed straight up to the attic. Directly in front of him, as if staring straight at him, was the dead body.

“BOO!” screamed Arnold The Fish, leaping out from behind the Chief Inspector.

“Oops,” said Arnold, as Ruefoot collapsed. “I’d better phone for an ambulance.”

Part 4: The Unsurprising Ejection of Arnold The Fish

Arnold The Fish picked himself up from the pavement.

“And stay out!” the Nurse told him.

“But I need to see Chief Ruefoot!” protested Arnold.

“Well he doesn’t need to see you, you nutcase!” said the Nurse.

“But then who will examine the body I found?” Arnold asked.

“I don’t know,” said the Nurse. “Call a pathologist or something.”

Arnold thought for a moment.

“I know just the person!” he proclaimed.

Part 5: The Expert Opinion of Trevor The Pathologist

“Well?” asked Arnold The Fish.

“It’s a body!” exclaimed a stunned Trevor.

“Yes.” confirmed Arnold. “Anything else?”

“A DEAD body!” said a disbelieving Trevor.

“Indeed,” Arnold nodded in agreement. “Exactly as I thought.”

“But why are you showing me this?!” pleaded a bewildered Trevor.

“I merely wanted your expert opinion,” Arnold told him, “In order to back up my own expert knowledge and detective instincts.”

“But I just lay paving!” wailed Trevor. “I only said your driveway needed doing!”

Arnold stared at Trevor blankly.

“Well,” said Arnold. “It’s not for me to question those fine people in the medical profession.”

Trevor stared at Arnold blankly.

“Anyhow,” Arnold continued, “That will be all I need from you I think. Thanks for your time.”

Trevor ran away.

“What a nice chap.” commented Arnold.

Part 6: The Most Shocking Deduction!

Arnold The Fish sat in the attic pondering how it came to be that there was a dead body here.

“Hmmm.” wondered Arnold. “Well, let’s see. I came straight up here when I heard the noise. I passed nobody on the way. And I sealed the entrance up from outside when I visited the hospital. Which means that the killer must still be here in the room!”

Arnold looked around.

“Excuse me,” he enquired, “there doesn’t happen to be a killer in the room, does there?”

It seemed that there was not.

“Hmm, just me then.” mumbled Arnold. “Therefore, if the killer is in the room, and there is only me in the room… I must be the killer!”

Arnold fainted from the shock of such a discovery.

Part 7: CSI: Arnold

Arnold The Fish awoke, still in the attic.

“Oh, well it probably wasn’t me after all then.” he said. “Otherwise I’d have tried to get away while I was unconscious!”

This made perfect sense to Arnold The Fish.

“So who on Earth could have killed this person?” Arnold wondered aloud. “Perhaps it was a suicide?”

Arnold studied the body carefully, for any telltale sign that this may have been the case. No matter how small, Arnold was determined to pick up on every last detail.

“Hmm,” thought Arnold. “I suppose I can’t rule out suicide, but nor can I find anything to confirm my suspicions. The seventeen stab wounds in the back certainly don’t make matters any easier.”

Arnold was stumped.

“I am stumped,” said Arnold.

Part 8: The Simple Detective

Arnold The Fish was still in the attic, stumped.

Just then, a man turned up.

“What are you doing in my attic?” he asked Arnold The Fish.

“Your attic?” asked Arnold.

“Yes, MY attic. In MY house.” said the man, whose name was Charlie.

“What?” asked a bewildered Arnold. “You mean this isn’t MY house?”

“No, it most certainly isn’t!” lectured Charlie. “Now get out of my house!”

Arnold ran away, a little embarrassed that he’d been in the wrong house all this time.

Conclusion: The Simple Truth

Arnold The Fish was on his way home when he had a sudden thought. He ran back to Charlie’s house.

“Hang on,” Arnold said to Charlie, “Why is there a dead body laying on the floor of your attic?”

“I’ve no idea,” said Charlie. “I left him stuffed in that cupboard just over there. Must be a faulty latch.”

“I see,” said Arnold.

“Bye then.” said Charlie.

“Bye,” said Arnold. “No, wait! You’re under arrest!”

“Drat!” cursed Charlie.

- CASE CLOSED –

The Prologue

The museum bells rang out loudly.
NEE-NAW-NEE-NAW-NEE-NAW
That’s the kind of sound they made. Loudly.

That’s where it all started. A chilling sequence of events to make the blood run cold…

Part 1: Arnold Gets Chills

Arnold The Fish, Super-Detective, sat back in his office chair.

“I wish I had an office to put this chair in,” thought Arnold.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

Arnold looked up, and framed in the doorway was a beautiful woman… who was made entirely of ice!

“Hello,” she said. “My name is Ice Dancer Sculpture Number 17. But you can call me Ida. May I come in?”

Arnold was taken aback for a moment.

“Of course you can, come on in!” he said. “Mind you don’t drip on the carpet.”